Oprah

Oprah Winfrey says she's not gay - Reuters

The Evidence: She talks to her best friend four times a day. She and her best friend are seen in public together all the time, but rarely with significant others. She's very close to her best friend and has been for thirty years.

The Paralell: My sister and I have lived within a block of each other for fifteen years. She is my best friend on this planet. We email or talk on the phone an average of four times a day. We're seen together in public all the time, usually without my brother-in-law, and without any significant other for me because I can't get a date to save my life. We've been this close for about twenty years.

The Conclusion: All women and their best friends must be gay. There can be no other reason for women to seek out each other's company. It must be sexual in nature.

Michael Stipe said it best (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Why would you care where my pecker is unless you're sitting on my lap?"

Amen, brother.