I Swear

So I'm plowing along through the entertainment news on Yahoo today and I find this:

"No programmer wants to piss off their audience," CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler told TV critics. "Creating and building viewer loyalty is why we do what we do, so when that happens, it's unfortunate."

And gee was I p*ssed. Just kidding. It was more like I heard my father saying in the back of my mind that old Nina Tassler has absolutely no class.

I admit that I'm not very careful about what I say out loud. Usually, if I think it, I say it. I cuss. Sometimes I cuss horrible. When I'm mad, I could probably make a sailor blush. And I must not be proud of that because when I hear my son cuss, I know where he got it from....not that his father is a choirboy, but his father hasn't really been much of an influence. If I hog up all the pride I can in my son's honesty and goodness and courtesy and kindess, then I have to take the shame in his f-bombs.

Interestingly, I'm very uncomfortable typing cuss words, even in email to friends who I would think nothing of saying them to. I type freaking and flipping and f-bomb, but there's something about seeing a big old bad word written down and attributed to little old me that makes me squirm. Like someone could conceivably print it off and display it to the members of my church. If a situation demands absolutely that I must cuss, I type b@st@rd or, well, p*ssed.

The one cuss word that doesn't seem to bother me much is combinations of @ss; jackass, dumbass and asshat come immediately to mind.

And in my humble opinion, I think CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler is a jackass.

Jesus

I'm reading Lamb by Christopher Moore. It's the story of Jesus' life, and the twist is that the entire tale is told by Christ's best friend, Biff. (Yes, Biff.) Jesus is Joshua and Mary Magdeline is Maggie and John the Baptist is a loon. They speak in a combination of Bible and ghetto. There are the requisite angels and miracles and magi and diciples and apostles, and while you're never really sure what's going to happen next, I'm quite certain that in the end, Josh will die on the cross. It's funny that Christ's life isn't documented beyond his childhood. It interests me to hear versions of what his life might have been like. I can't stop thinking about the book.

And this book comes to me at a time in my life where I'm pretty sure that at least 80% of organized religion is a bunch of hocus-pocus. I believe in God. I think the bible has important lessons about life and history in it....along with a lot of hooey. I believe in living by the golden rule and the ten commandments, but frankly, that's as far as I'm willing to take it until further study. I mean what does it say about us as a nation when middle-aged white evangelical christians are responsible for electing W to a second term in office?

So tonight, answering a timid knock at my front door, a nicely dressed, well groomed woman, smiling of course, greets me with, "Oh my, I almost didn't hear you open the door because I was admiring the grouping of your porch furniture. It's absolutely lovely." Swear to God. Heh. Turns out God sent her to my house. She was telling all the good folks in my neighborhood about a bible study to be held blah blah blah, yadda yadda.

If I had owned Lamb and not borrowed it, I would have given it to her; right after I cut her off with, "Sorry, not interested," and right before I shut the door.

Jesus.

Oprah

Oprah Winfrey says she's not gay - Reuters

The Evidence: She talks to her best friend four times a day. She and her best friend are seen in public together all the time, but rarely with significant others. She's very close to her best friend and has been for thirty years.

The Paralell: My sister and I have lived within a block of each other for fifteen years. She is my best friend on this planet. We email or talk on the phone an average of four times a day. We're seen together in public all the time, usually without my brother-in-law, and without any significant other for me because I can't get a date to save my life. We've been this close for about twenty years.

The Conclusion: All women and their best friends must be gay. There can be no other reason for women to seek out each other's company. It must be sexual in nature.

Michael Stipe said it best (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Why would you care where my pecker is unless you're sitting on my lap?"

Amen, brother.