I've tried to post a couple of times in the past few months and couldn't seem to put a cohesive paragraph together. Don Imus. The Virginia Tech shootings. George F Bush. How the IRS is persecuting me. The custody fight over Ana Nicole's baby.
The list of what's been on my mind is freaking endless, but it hasn't translated well outside of my own head.
So this morning I'm perusing Yahoo Personals instead of firing up the pressure washer and getting the patio ready for outdoor living, and some of these ads are like staring at a car wreck. You just can't look away: the misspellings, the improper use of pronouns, the Harley riders looking for @ss, gas or grass, the pictures of men without shirts. And I'm thinking about the fact that I've been divorced for 17 years. And when I'm really honest with myself, I have to at least respect the fact that these poor bastards are in the game. I haven't really been in the game since 1985...the year I married D's father.
I'm thinking a lot lately about what I want in a partner and a relationship and I've determined that knowing what you don't want is just as important as what you do want. With that in mind, cut and pasted directly from Yahoo Personals, are the men I do not want to date.
The Grammatically Impaired:
John “Your, it....”
Tom “Good Man that is Real. Are you?”
Paul “I.m looking for a nice women”
Michael “im here where are you.”
Chris “What do U 4 C?”
The Animals:
Thomas “Lone Wolf Looking for mate”
Brad “Like a cat, cuddly with sharp claws”
The Desperate:
James “looking for someone to fill the void”
Kenneth “Hoping second time around is better!”
Ted “True love, Fling, Whatever”
Ron “I Won't Fear Love”
The Teddy Bears:
Paul “Sweet little Teddy Bear”
BARRY “BIG TEDDY NEEDS A LADY TEDDY”
Greg “Teddy Bear Looking A Sweet Treat”
Michael “big teddy bear,needs cuddling!”
The Loons:
Brian “easy going guy looking for a sane woman”
Gary “i gotta a big one”
Danny “Fun w/grandpa”
Bob “hi i am barneys fifh brother”
Larry “Space creature seeks earthly woman”
And just like any room full of men, I find two or three interesting. And what these men have in common is that they are not the beautiful. Or the skiiers. Or the CEO's. Or the bikers.
They're the clever, smart, quiet, unassuming ones, wearing flannel or ball caps.
And it's Norm Abrahm all over again.
D@mmit.
